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Alan's Story

A Rebellious Heart Surrendered

Don’t Tell Me What to Do!

My parents went to church a lot, and consequently, I did too. This was not by my choice. In fact, I regularly put up resistance...unsuccessfully. My parents saw through my efforts to feign illness. I felt like life was unfair. While all my friends watched “Wonderful World of Disney” on Sunday night, I was at church singing “Everyday with Jesus."

   Most of the kids my age had already joined the church. I felt subtle pressure from the adults around me to do the same. In my 11-year-old rebelliousness, I resisted these good-intentioned expectations. I didn’t speak it, but I thought, “Don’t tell me what to do! I’ll do what I want to do.”

I had peers that skipped school. I skipped church. And that’s what happened one Wednesday night. I decided to play hooky from the evening’s scheduled activities. This was a large church, and the church’s library seemed the obvious place to lay low.

I found and claimed a big padded chair that allowed me to sink into deep stuffed concealment. But even with that cover, I was sure that some adult was going to come over and inquire, “What are you doing?” I noticed on the end table beside me was a small book. Stretching and reaching over, I snagged it and opened it. I reasoned that being in a library appearing to read a book would appease any suspicion and give me cover.

It was a book written by our pastor to young people of my age. The words caught my attention, and as I read sentences and then paragraphs, my resistance began to dissolve. They confronted me with who I was, my selfish nature, and my inclinations towards pride. I began to understand that separated me from God.

I read that God loved me as an individual, and that love did not depend on whether I was successful, good looking, smart, or even religious. I began to understand the incredible effort He went to establish a relationship with me. I remember turning my head to the side so others would not see my dampening eyes. Soon, though, I was oblivious to anyone and everything around me as I focused on the ideas I was reading. Those truths, that I had heard and been taught for years and had viewed just like any other school content, now grabbed my focus. I understood that it was not enough just to know these truths, that I needed to make a personal decision to invite Jesus into my life.

God says that whoever receives Him and as many as receive Him, to them He gives the right to become His children.

On that Wednesday night, a long time ago, hiding in the library and skipping church, I made that decision. What I had heard, but not understood for several years, became very clear in that moment. I embraced those truths in a way I had never done before. I accepted the forgiveness and reconciliation He offered. That decision changed my life...it changed my eternity.

I still struggle with prideful attitudes, with being self-centered, but I know He is working on me and that I am part of His family. And that humbles me...over and over.

-Alan

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